God can be trusted

The last six months have turned my life upside down, like nothing else. A few of my worst dreams have come true: 1) not knowing what to do next in life, 2) having to be separated by an ocean from some of my best friends and "children," and 3) my mom being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (you can read her story here). I've had to battle temptations more head-on than ever before, go through some measure of reverse culture shock, and wonder what on earth my purpose in life is anymore. But God is good; He has continued to direct and guide me, even if only in the tiniest of increments at times. As I look back over the last half of 2015 and these first few weeks of the new year, I can clearly see His faithfulness (exhibit A being that my first worst dream was a key lifesaver when the third worst dream happened). My problems don't all appear to be solved now, but I know God can be trusted to carry out His perfect purpose. I am so thankful for Him and the incredible power He gives!

I discovered this song sometime this week, and it's been such an encouragement to me. I thought I'd share it with you...

This Trial

Verse 1
When your faith is running low, and you just can't seem to figure it out,
You know you should keep walking, but you just don't see how.
Don't doubt in the dark what He's said in the light -
He's still the same God in the day or the night!

Verse 2
When your life's a question mark, and your answers are coming out wrong,
You know that God is working, but it just seems so long,
Don't give up on God when He's working on you!
It's Jesus the Son that He's forming in you!

Chorus
This trial won't define you; it will only refine you.
You know there's a plan, though you don't see it now.
Your God will not forget you; He'll eventually direct you.
So don't be afraid because you can know:
Your heart may be wounded, all your plans adjusted, your faith may be tested,
But God can be trusted.

Bridge
Finish the course God has laid at your feet.
Never give less than your best!
Pour out your heart, take one day at a time;
God will do the rest!

(C) 2011 Ben Everson Music - www.beneverson.com

Of hard and easy days

With my WPY volunteer friends, on a short visit to the Philippines.

As I was washing the dishes one day, I began thinking...

Why is it that I'm always so much closer to God on the days when it's hard? The easier days when I don't have as much to do, or I can actually try and relax a little bit, is when my hold on God seems to loosen. I know that trials bring us closer to God, and I am learning to appreciate them for that purpose. But what of the days of peace? Why don't I connect with Him as well during those times? How can I change those days so they're a benefit instead of a hindrance?

Then another thought:

That's what praise and thanksgiving are for. 

I'm supposed to simply trust and hang onto God on the hard days, praising Him just the same. But on the seemingly easier days (when it's actually spiritually harder!), I can use that space to thank Him for all He's done in the harder times.

"We have nothing to fear for the future, except as we shall forget the way the Lord has led us, and his teaching in our past history" (RH, October 12, 1905).

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice" (Philippians 4:4).

Photo credit: Erick Juanich

Of Challenges and Bright Spots

Most of last year's Grade 6 class.

I was reading through my journal from earlier this year and found a couple of posts that tell of the heart of teaching. I'll share one of them here to show you why I love it here so much, despite challenges...

(I've abbreviated names for privacy.)

Thursday, February 6, 2014 - 5:17 p.m.

Today was a teensy bit better than yesterday, mostly because it had a few more bright spots in it. I'm not sure if it's just Satan trying his hardest to discourage me, or if I really am a terrible teacher, but whatever it is, I am having a super tough time trying to teach.

Basically, in a nutshell, yesterday I sat with B__ for over an hour in the empty classroom while talking to him and waiting for him to finally do pushups so he could go (eventually he did, thankfully). Then I spent the rest of the day feeling like a terrible teacher for being inconsistent and not teaching properly because I don't know how.....

Today, I prayed oh so hard. Last night, too. But this morning I went to my classroom extra early before staff worship and prayed for each student. But nevertheless, the class was noisy as usual for my first two classes. We somehow managed to learn a thing or two (between P__ doing multiple sets of 10 pushups for exiting his seat without my permission), but it was still awfully hard for me. As I walked home for the break between science & math classes, I was sick of kids' voices. I cried out to God for help. I thought and prayed and dozed in the hammock until time to go, and as I walked, I thought of "Be Still My Soul" - the song God had woken me up to this morning. I pulled out my iPod and read the words. Parts of a couple verses stood out to me in particular...

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as He has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Such precious promise. The waves and winds still know, understand, and obey God's voice implicitly. Could students be any less obedient to Him? I got to the classroom but Teacher L was still inside with the Handicraft class. So I waited outside and watched all the kids in the schoolyard. Of such is the kingdom of Heaven. Even though they're a pain sometimes, God loves children most of all. Their spirit is what He wants in me. I was pretty quiet as I watched (I'm sure the kids wondered why), and then finally R__ poked me and said that I could go into the classroom now because Teacher L had left. I went in, just waiting for the oncoming battle. To my surprise, as we began our lesson on factors and prime & composite numbers, they settled down and actually learned. You know why? Because my God is incredible. :D He sent a group of visitors from the Korean church and they happened to stand outside our classroom for a good amount of time, talking or whatever. And my kids are quiet whenever visitors are around. :D :D God seriously can do anything!

After a fairly successful lesson (still need to work a few wrinkles out of that lesson because I didn't teach it quite right :P), I headed over to the music classroom for grade 8. I wasn't as stressed about that but was still not really looking forward to trying to juggle pianos and violins again. But lo and behold, when I walked in, T__ was there! I asked him what he was doing and he said he was willing to help with whatever! And so, I got to spend almost the entire Music 8 period teaching S__ the first two Twinkles on the violin, which was pure joy. :D God is amazing. I told T__ after class that he had helped God answer my prayer. :)

The value of challenges

Here I sit. 

My windows are open and the breeze is blowing the curtains just a little. It's sunny out, and it's peaceful here inside the house. The shiny white tile floor is (currently) tidy, other than stacks of books and papers here and there that prove I have plenty to do. It would be quiet, but there is a funeral or something going on down the road, so monks are chanting/singing rather loudly over loudspeakers. It only adds to the Asian atmosphere, though...

It's Monday again, and classes are over. I'm thinking back on last week, and how things have changed. My students may have learned a few things (hopefully), but I'm pretty sure that I'm the one who learned the most.

I had absolutely no idea how last Monday would go. How much English did my grade 6 class really speak? Would they behave? Would they be too loud? Would I be able to handle all of them? Questions, and worries… but confident or no, I had to go to school. I had somewhat of a lesson plan, but it was pretty flexible since I didn't know what would happen.

All of us teachers began the school day with staff worship at 7am. We're studying through the book Education, led out by Tim Maddocks. It's been great so far. Still, I had jitters...

Soon enough the worship ended and it was time for flag raising. As the students congregated out in the courtyard, I meandered around the walkway and found my classroom. The door was open, so I slipped inside and wrote a few things on the board for our first class. Then I went back outside and watched the flag raising and announcements. And then… it ended and the straight rows of kids began to disintegrate. Deep breath… I met my students outside and greeted each of them, handing them an index card as they came into the classroom. When they were all situated, I told them a little about myself and then asked them to write a few details about themselves on their card.

As the day progressed, I tried things in each class. Some worked and some didn’t. Again, I wasn't sure how much English they knew, so I tried super-easy things with them and they flew through that in a cinch. OK… on to the next thing. This next thing was a little too complicated though, so I had to improvise and make it easier for them to understand. In math class, we had a similar problem. I assumed they knew some things, so went ahead and gave them a worksheet to do, but several of them didn't actually know how to do it. Back to the drawing board on that… and so the day progressed.

By the end of the day (my Monday schedule is pretty full), I was tired. I definitely had a better idea of where the kids were academically, but now I had to plan new things that I wasn't expecting! Sigh. OK… so I planned. On Tuesday, I taught the basics in some classes, and more advanced things in others. I still didn't feel very productive though, and was having a hard time actually keeping my collection of 35 kids quiet and working and understanding… not to mention that I couldn't remember all of their names. That night I planned some, and then finally went to bed.

Wednesday morning during my quiet time, I cried out to God. What am I even doing here? I'm not a teacher! I just sat on my mattress, only several minutes before I had to leave for school, and knew the only thing to do was pray. I needed God's help, and His energy, love, and wisdom...

I ate a little breakfast, and then turned my computer on for a minute to check my e-mail. Turns out, my mom was online. And she asked me how things were going. She encouraged me and told me she was praying for me. That was definitely a help! 

I went to staff worship, and it was an encouraging thought as well - to teach the young people the value of eternity, rather than the here-and-now success in life. We had Assembly that morning for the grade 4-6 classes, and heard a similar thought, on the value of eternity. (As I sat on the tile of the church, I couldn't help but notice a loooooonnng line of boys. Then I realized they're all mine - I have a LOT of boys in my class!!) Then we went to the next class, and it went so well! And the next did, too, and the next - and I had a short day so it was really nice. God really was helping me! It was only through His power that things went the way they did. The next day was a little bit better, and the next was too, and by Friday I was feeling like I had a better grasp on teaching. Only a little, yes, but I'm hoping that as I get to know students more and understand my curriculum more (please pray for English class, I'm still struggling with how to teach that), things will be even better. Praise the Lord - every bit of credit truly goes to Him. I'm so thankful…

My biggest lesson learned these last few months: I am ever so grateful for challenges and even feelings of despair. Why? Because God can work so marvelously through them, and He draws me closer to Himself when I feel my absolute need of Him. Every morning I woke up this last week, I knew that I had to spend at least a few minutes in the Word to have His power in my life. I wish it could have been more, but I did what I could. This week I'm hoping to make my devotional time longer.

Today I had an experience that really made me think. Some of you may have seen my update on Facebook, but I'll share it here...

After all, that's what I'm here for, right? May I trust my Jesus, continue falling in love with Him, and let His light and love shine out of my heart to the precious children around me.

Timothy

A touching story...

that requires action.

Watch, and see if you don't shed a few tears yourself...


Timothy from Reel Mission Productions on Vimeo.

(thanks, Schane.)

Day Six: Meaningful Lyrics

Today's theme: lyrics that have meant something special to me this year.

I had a couple of top choices, and finally settled on this song. It is such a beautiful song, full of assurance and peace. I have played it again many times this year when wondering just what God was up to. He always reminds me that He is right there, and that no matter what happens, I can completely trust everything He does.

So many things in life change, but God never does. Never, ever.

Your Faithfulness
Brian Doerksen

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

I don't know if these clouds mean rain
If they do, will they pour down blessing or pain?
I don't know what the future holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know how or when I'll die
Will it be a thief, or will I have a chance to say goodbye?
No, I don't know how much time is left
But in the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts and storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Certain as the rivers reach the sea
Certain as the sunrise in the east
I can rest in your faithfulness
Surer than a mother's tender love
Surer than the stars still shine above
I can rest in your faithfulness

I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness

A Shift of Perspective

When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

Today was a busy one - and still is! I have yet to go home and finish as many responsibilities as I can before bedtime. Is it just me, or does everything big happen all at once? Everything I have to plan for, all the trips I have to make, all the neighborhood drama . . . it all seems to plop into my lap at one time. But then again, maybe I'm looking at it from the wrong perspective. Shift that, and I can see just how powerful God is, in helping me through it all, and giving me strength to meet the demands of life.

Just before lunch, I took some time out at "my" cabin, my favorite spot in the whole of YD camp. Its tiny porch overlooks the lake, and since it's not inhabited by campers this time of year, it's a perfect place to spend a few minutes with God before I go back to eat. As I stood there and told God all about what was happening and causing me stress, a quote came to mind, one that encourages me every time I think of it:

"Worry is blind, and cannot discern the future. Jesus sees the end from the beginning. In every difficulty, He has a way prepared to bring relief. Our heavenly Father has a thousand ways to provide for us, of which we know nothing. Those who accept the one principle of making the service and honor of God supreme will find perplexities vanish and a plain path before their feet" (The Desire of Ages, page 330).

Amazing isn't it? That one simple principle opens up this path of life like nothing else. As we truly serve and honor God in everything, He will take care of the rest. Our God has knowledge that goes above and beyond our highest expectations. He is so powerful. He is so big. And yet He takes pleasure in helping me in my majorly-tiny-compared-to-His trials. He is truly my hope and stay!

Blessings

My new favorite song. Apparently it's everyone else's, too... but oh well. The words are worthy of repeat, and good to think about.


Blessings by Laura Story


We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
But long that we'd have the faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise